Children of virtues (Courage)

We all poses courage, some display it more than others, but it runs through us all. The difference is a lot of us tend to let it lay dormant, we smother it with an array of other virtues that are far easier to muster, or worse, we allow our vices to intimidate courage through the use of fear. The Oxford dictionary defines courage as the ability to do something that frightens one, or strength in the face of pain or grief. We have all in our lives demonstrated acts of courage, some were small feats, others huge, but nevertheless they were all acts of courage in the face of fear.   

As children we were all courageous, I think back to when I was a child and all of the times I called on courage; that first leap into water, a night with the light off, even the first day of school. All events I am sure you can relate to, however my greatest act of courage as a child, some won't. 

I remember the feeling of uncertainty to the act, I was virtually unaware of it's meaning, still I could sense its evil. I had been abused several times, and on many different occasions, with every account I gained a greater insight into what this person was and how they thought. I started to identify the cues, breaking the code to help protect others and myself. I got to know it so well that I was able to ensure I was the only person hurt.

The day I knew what I was suffering was wrong was the day a giraffe spoke to me. I remember him as Happy Harold, however I think he is now called Healthy Harold? Happy Harold was a toy giraffe, big though, that travelled around schools as part of life education. On that particular visit I remember the van going completely dark, with little lights shinning on the roof that resembled the night sky, I also remember Happy Harold telling me the following jingle "my bodies nobodies body but mine, you touch your own body let me touch mine". That day I saw the universe and also became aware of child sexual abuse.  

I kept the truth to myself for a while, thinking and doubting that what was happening was actually wrong. I was that scared of nobody believing me that I devised a plan to leave no doubt in anyone's mind. As a child I decided to let it happen again to prove that it was happening, I would also lie to this person, convincing them that I wouldn't tell anyone. That is until I got back to so called safety. I knew it was going to happen again, it was just a matter of when. Throughout all of this abuse I was a victim, until that day, that day I was in control and that day I became a survivor. I let it happen again, as planned, and again I swore to not tell a sole, the memory of that lie is still so vivid. My courage wasn't needed to deal with the abuse, or to tell someone about it, the courage I needed was to lie. The fear I faced was lying to this persons face, I had to hold a poker face against a monster, I was that scared of not being able to sell my lie that it took every ounce of courage I had. 

Sold it like a boss. 

It disgust me that any human regardless of age should have to face this evil, however unfortunately it exist. I don't want you to take away from this how awful it may have been or that it should have never happened, it did. It does. What I want you to take is that we are all born with courage and a lot of other virtues; they run through us and may just need waking. Whatever it is you fear you have the courage to face it, believe in yourself and your plan.